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Nowhere does a superior personality more quickly reveal itself than by what he manages to say during a casual meeting, lasting perhaps only a few minutes. Such meetings are like extempore speeches. Being unexpected, unprepared, a good, cultivated talker will manage to say the right things, whereas an uncultivated one will say the worst. After the first exchange about the weather, which gives a sort of chance to collect one's self, the next moments are properly spent in bringing one another up to date on self and family. You ask, "How are you? How are your folks?" During such encounters one should, if at all possible, exchange data on things relatively pleasant. If a person or family member is significantly ill, so that it is a permanent factor in the social relationship, then of course it should be mentioned. But otherwise a person should stress the pleasant news about himself and his friends. To my memory, I have never yet called on one certain family, to say hello by phone, without getting an immediate litany of recent ailments in response to my question, "How have you been?" Now, illness is not a sin. It is one of the tribulations of this valley of tears. But at home my father seemed to treat sin and sickness as more or less related. We did not dare enlarge upon either. And I think that is a good thing. While you should, of course, be sympathetic toward the ailments of others, you should talk about your own as little as possible. It is not noble or heroic to detail one's ailments. And in a casual meeting, a passing ailment should if possible be passed off in silence. If it cannot be, you might say, "I am pretty well, thanks. A slight cold, nothing to emphasize," and pass on to something else. |
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